Border's 3:16 Love Thy Wi-fi

It was another exciting night for this Nursing Student. Occasionally I like to pretend I have a life and get out on a Friday night. Well, the only place I seem to get out to lately on Friday nights is Borders. They have free wi-fi, excellent coffee, and enough references to help me write up my nursing care plans. I like being out among the public, and the atomosphere is definitely more conducive to studying than my kitchen table where I'm easy distracted by candy or a Dirty Jobs marathon.

Tonight, there was an interesting crowd. All of the tables by power supplies were taken up, so I had to hit up one of the armchairs near an outlet. To my left was a middle aged gentleman reading a magazine, directly across from him his middle aged wife, also reading. I can barely fit my netbook and coffee on the small table next to the chair, so I'm stalking a guy at a bigger table next to an outlet and steal his seat as soon as he gets up so I can spread out with my books. Down the table from me are two boys, maybe around 20ish. One is playing on a laptop, the other is reading outloud from a thick book. At first, I'm thinking 'Dungeons and Dragons', next I think 'College Students', then I pay attention to what the kid is reading...it's the Bible. I realize this as I'm listening to a Howard Stern replay of Tiger Wood's mistress explaining well, some pretty adult things. I hope they can't hear my headphones and figure I've just booked my express ticket straight to hell.

Meanwhile, I'm getting some serious work done, but I'm still people watching. The husband and wife take turns getting up and doing who knows what, and since the place is quickly filling, other patrons try to take the empty seat, only to get the snotty response, "My husband/wife is sitting there and they'll be right back." Enter Crazy Cat Lady, or CCL. She's a late 30s/early 40s woman who's wearing a funky hat and crazy patent leather mary janes. I just know the type. She wants to sit in my former seat and use husband's adjacent seat for her bag filled with books about cats and being a spinster since she's using the little table for her iPad. "My husband is sitting there!", comes the reply from angry wife. Well, at this point, husband has been gone for quite awhile, maybe a half hour, doing who knows what? Some bathroom reading? I'm not sure where you disappear to in Border's. So, CCL sticks to her seat and doesn't look happy, but doesn't take hubby's chair. A few minutes later, a new woman comes by and asks if the seat is taken...that's when all hell broke loose (well, as hellish as it can get in Border's on a Friday night).
Crazy Cat Lady: Oh no, her husband is sitting there.
New Lady: Wha?
Mean Wife: I don't know where my husband is right now, but he will eventually be sitting there again.
Crazy Cat Lady: Maybe he's invisible.
New Lady: I'll just sit over here...(retreats to another table)
Mean Wife: Well, when my husband comes back we are leaving!
Crazy Cat Lady: I'll belive it when I see it.
Bible Boys: clutching Bibles and whispering the Lord's prayer.
Olivia: Laughing and wondering if she'll have to hit someone with a chair if shit pops off.

I left shortly after this. I really didn't want to get into a throw down at Border's, although it would have been interesting. On my way out I say goodnight to one of the employees...Olivia: Good night. Employee: I've been watching you. You really like to study. Olivia: Maybe more seat policing and less staring please? (Okay, so I didn't say this, but maybe I should have) Tune in next Friday to see what happens in Adventures at the Border Cafe.