New Year, Same old @#$%!

There's only one thing more obnoxious than driving a giant SUV (and this is coming from the driver of a giant SUV)and that thing is driving a giant Hybrid SUV. To me, this screams, "Yeah, I'm an asshole, but I've got enough $ to pretend I give a shit about the environment." After Christmas, I hit up the mall to cash in a gift card for a long overdue pedi. As many of you might know, driving and parking aren't exactly my strong suits (anyone remember the great Wellesley Roche Bros. hit and run of 2006?). So, I have to park way the heck out where there are lots of easy spaces for me to pull the enormous Tahoe into. As I'm getting myself together, I notice the exact twin of my Tahoe pull in across from me. Same color, same body type, except this Tahoe is very special. It is a hybrid. How do I know it's a hybrid? Because it's spelled out in huge 6" letters across the windshield. It's sort of like letting everyone know, "Hey, don't hate, I'm environmentally friendly!" A 40ish hippy looking woman got out of the driver's side, her nerdy ass husband got out of the passenger side (Okay, obviously I'm in the minority here, but before I was pregnant with Preparation H and became the designated driver I could count the times PJ let me drive us on one hand). The 2010 Chevy Hybrid gets a whopping 20city/20hwy MPG. My 2007 gets 14/19. Maybe there's a bit of a difference in city miles, but enough that you'll pay 54K? I don't think so. They could have saved about 34K and bought a Toyota Prius...at least that gives you some legit hippy cred. I had a brief fantasy about challenging them to a race (really, can a V8 run on a battery?) and then slapping the husband for being a pussy and letting his wife drive. I'm really surprised she didn't have him on one of those kiddie leashes I use on Halo. (Alright, alright, I get it, it's 2009 and women can drive their husbands-drive them crazy! Am I right ladies? Oh shit, NOW is at my door and they're going to take away my woman status)

On to the next topic. This topic would be the Keurig. Probably the greatest invention ever. You have this sexy looking machine on your counter top and you pop a little 'K-cup' in it, and it makes you coffee. It will also make you iced coffee, hot water, tea, cocoa, and file your 1040EZ form, all in under a minute. I used my holiday gift cards to purchase it. Only problem? It came with exactly one decaf K-Cup. I ordered a ton of decaf cups online and am anxiously awaiting their arrival. I know I could buy some in a store, but that defeats the purpose of getting the buy two get two free deal at Keurig.com. So, what have I been doing in the meantime? Drinking caffeinated coffee. Is this what crackheads feel like? Haley loves it. Caffienated Mommy is much more fun and does all the Dancey Dances on Yo Gabba Gabba. Unfortunately, caffeinated Mommy also slapped her into a modified sleeping bag on her stroller and walked for 6 miles. Forget drugs, they should be outlawing caffiene. And the Keurig is like my own personal meth lab.

Here's the obligatory football chatter...Is there a cuter Patriot than Wes Welker? I know everyone is swooning over #12, but no thanks. Despite the deer in the headlights look he has during the post-game press conference, he's probably the cutest Patriot currently on the team.

Hmmm...I'm supposed to appeal to the rest of my demographic and write something about the Bruins playing their game at Fenway today. Did they even win? I have no idea. Yep, just checked the interwebs and they did in fact win. Great. I've only been to Fenway park once. We were given tickets right behind home plate. They were amazing. And how did I enjoy this once in a lifetime experience? I got a giant foam finger and got insanely drunk. I also yelled "I'm Rick James, bitch!" The guys behind me thought it was awesome and kept high fiving me. Good times.

Best wishes for a healthy and happy 2010!