Today, I think I'll be okay. There are only two other little girls in the class. One brings a mom, the other a grandma and they both seem really nice. The mom comes in wearing workout clothes and no makeup and she's super classy in that New England WASPy sort of way and I want to hate her because she looks so effortlessly pretty at the early morning kiddie cooking class, but I can't, because she's super nice.
So, we cook our little egg burritos and I'm trying to let her do it herself without taking over, but damn, I am not going to have a crazy eggshell filled burrito! Who am I kidding, I'm not going to try the thing. The activity room is a mess and the kids aren't really cleaning their hands so well with the hippy dippy homemade hand wipes (paper towels soaked in water with a splash of dish detergent-I'm sorry, only the strongest hand sanitizer will do...the burn means it's working!).
So, after the mixing and cooking and rolling the kids are eating their burritos with a cup of milk.
Haley: burp
Olivia: Haley, what do we say?
H: 'scuse me! (giggle)
O: Good girl.
WASP mom: Oh, she's so polite!
O: Why thank you! I try----
H: BURP BURP BURP HA!
Ugh...this is where time stops for me. I don't know whether to laugh (because I want to) or feign the appropriate 'oh no you didn't' attitude. Haley is burping because a)she thinks it's funny and b)she's half Foley. It's in her genes to burp and to burp loudly. If you know me well enough you know I've got an obnoxiously loud burp, like the rest of the family. The only difference, Haley got the secret gene that allows her to burp on command. Which is what she's doing now. I guess I should be excited she's got a very strong sense of being funny and independent, but really, can't we just impress the other moms with our good manners?
Fast forward to Thursday. In an attempt to compensate for Haley being an only child I signed her up for a playgroup on Thursday mornings in addition to the Monday cooking class so she can get social stimulation. For those of you who haven't met Haley, she's the size of your average five year old. She's 39" tall and weighs almost 40lbs. The pediatrician says she's perfectly proportioned, but she towers over most other kids. So, here we are at playgroup. Did I mention Haley decided to get up for the day at 3am? It's now 9am and she's in that 'I'm so tired I'm going to run around like a crackhead' phase that is quickly followed by a crash and nap. Did I mention I'm wearing pajamas (yoga pants and a Patriots tee) to the playgroup? I had showered and thrown on some makeup but I had no desire to put on jeans. There are three other kids in the playgroup. All boys. All tiny compared to Haley. All the moms are super perky and wearing daytime clothes. Haley is racing around the room. Jumping off equipment. Climbing up the slide. I'm like a zombie trying to keep up with her. The other moms are protecting their sons from her path of destruction. She wants to rock in the little wooden boat/seesaw with one of the boys, but there's an obvious 15lb weight difference, and she almost launches the poor thing into the air. I try to conceal my laughter and we move on to the 'March of the Dinosaurs'. Haley uses this time to RAWR as loud as she can while wielding two plastic dinosaurs against anyone who comes within a few feet of her. We finally get out of the class, she falls asleep in the car, and we both get a much needed nap.
I was always so anxious for the day that Haley would talk to me. Now she won't stop talking. And ordering me around. Take today for example...
H: Mommy, lay on the floor. (Haley climbs on my back)
O: What are we playing, Haley?
H: Yee haw, cow! You're my cow!
O: I'm not a cow!
H: Yee haw, Mommy...cow. Mooo!
O: Are you too young to bring me a beer?
Are we the cool kids of the Mommy/Child high school hierarchy? No. But we'll settle for our silly band geek status any day.
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