It was a day much like this past Saturday. It was December of 2009 and we were expecting a big snowstorm that night. Haley and I were having a fun day, making snowflakes and playing. All of a sudden, it happened. She had to poop. It was epic. As usual she grabbed onto her safety gate and started pushing. 'Ugh, ugh, ugh..." I waited for her to finish, growing alarmed at the growing lump in her diaper. After an eternity, she finally stopped pooping and started screaming. Oh no. What could have happened? I'm envisioning opening her diaper and discovering she had ingested and passed any number of large irregular objects.
(Warning, this is not for the faint of heart)
I laid her on the changing table and opened her diaper. The size and amount of poo was astounding. Then I saw it. Her poop chute (why yes, that is a medical term) was looking rather, uh, scary. I wasn't quite sure what I was looking at. What I was seeing was rather unreal, and I was afraid of a prolapse (rare obviously, and don't google that, you won't like the pictures). I called the pediatrician who is thankfully open on Saturdays and they said to bring her right in.
In the exam room, I got the pleasure of holding Haley while they gave her a probing. "Whoa!", exclaimed the doctor. It's never a good thing when a doctor says whoa. "Well, the good news, it's not a prolapse," she said, then said with a completely straight face, "Haley has a hemorrhoid." Oh man. Haley has a 'roid? Seriously? She wasn't even 2! Apparently you can't use Tucks or Preparation H on a baby, and she wouldn't stay sitting long enough to need one of those donut cushions, because I was sent home with instructions to give her Tylenol and start her on some Miralax. Things have been fine ever since.
Fast forward to this December. The only time we've had to set foot in the pediatrician's office since is for her 2 year checkup and the flu shot. Again, I consider myself lucky. Friday morning, she wakes up with a little cough, but is acting like her normal little self. I send her off to her grandparent's house for the day while I take my final, do some Christmas shopping, and head into work. Well, I come home to find she's had a fever. Not just a little fever. But a real fever. She's hot and sweaty, but asleep. I set my alarm to wake up at 1 & 5 am to blast her with more Tylenol. By morning, her temp is 103.2 (I had to take it rectally, being mindful of the hemorrhoid of Christmas past) so I call the office and they have me bring her in.
While we're waiting to go in, her concerned Papa comes by with a box of Munchkins (she was healthy enough to chow some).
Then, we headed out, stopping for gas. 'Mommy, car wash, *cough cough*,' she said pitifully. So, we went through there as well.
We make it to the office and wait our turn. A five week old baby is there for a check up and he's taken ahead of us (and his mom had three other little ones at home, and gave me some excellent binky/potty training advice)and Haley started asking me questions, 'Mommy, where'd the baby go?' 'He went to get a check up' I replied. 'Mommy, what is the baby doing?' she asked. 'They're going to measure him, and weigh him, and the doctor will make sure he is healthy' I replied. Now repeat these questions for 10 straight minutes. Finally, I get sick of answering. 'Haley, where do you think the baby went?' 'They're giving him a tape measure!' she gleefully responded. She's obsessed with tape measures. Don't tell her, but there's a mini one in her stocking right now. We're called in right afterwards.
First, Haley needs an updated weight. Oh no. She screams and runs back into the waiting room. No amount of cajoling will get her on the scale. Now I have to stand on there with her. Then by myself and the nurse subtracts the weights (I wanted to run into the waiting room when she told me to get on the scale). Haley is a very healthy, but heavy for mom, 37lbs!
Now we're in the exam room. Haley gets a quick once over and did some great breaths for the doctor while she listened to her lungs (I'd like to think it was because we had practiced at home beforehand to try to minimize the trauma since she's always scared). The doctor is confident it's just a virus that will resolve quickly and she congratulates me on Haley's fever free streak.
Now we head home where Haley has quickly realized I'm at her beck and call and has requested a steady stream of Popsicles and Curious George episodes as she recovers.
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