Boy, I'm really glad I called that guy...

Hey all...It's Haley O. in the hizz-ouse! Woot woot! Oh yeah...



So, what's going on? Last time you heard from me, I had strained too much during my BM and sustained a toddler hemorrhoid. Today, I'm heading for two, and am dependent on an over the counter laxative to keep me regular. Don't judge...at least this didn't come with the warning "priopism is a serious medical condition that should be assessed by your doctor."



Anywho...here's what it's like to be me for a day...pretty sweet if you're wondering.



0600-Wakey wakey. Here comes Mom. Where's Dad? I can use my big girl words to ask this now, "Dad? My Daddy?" Mommy usually answers, "Coffee, Dad's at work, coffee?"



0700-Shoot, it's cold. I shouldn't have messed with this sadistic biotch, she shoved me into my stroller and off we went...she's listening to her magic earmuffs again...I don't know what's going on...all I heard was "Bababooey."



0800-Breakfast...oh yea-oh wait...what the heck is this? Van's gluten free waffles? *Barf* No thanks. What, you're putting bananas on them? I can live with that.



0900-Back to the crib. Mom's in the shower. I'm going to take off my socks and throw them behind the crib.



1000-Time for blocks. I love blocks. I knock them down and say "Boom"! Oh wait, Mom's building me a tower. Now's my chance...when she's not looking I grab the biggest squarest block and smash her in the face.



1001-1059- Mommy is crying and rolling on the floor holding her eye. Obviously this is my cue to jump on her stomach. Did you know I weigh 1/3 of what Mommy does? Uh oh, Mommy is now holding her stomach and her eye.



1100- I bring Mommy my kitty ice pack and settle in for a little 'The Price is Right'. C'mon down b*tches...I love this show. I clap, I cheer, and when they spin the big wheel I pretend I can touch it through Daddy's awesome 32" Sony HD TV! Mommy can't stop me because she's still writhing in pain on the ground.

1159- Showcase is over. Here comes lunch...free range turkey and hydroponic blueberries. Really? Should I be eating or smoking my lunch?

1200- Uh oh...crib time.

1500- Time for YoGabba Gabba...Mommy says something about "Moono and Freud's phallic stage." All I know is it's awesome...

1630- Dad's home! I don't care that my mom had to use the plunger to get my toddler poo to go down the toilet, this is the man I want to see! And he lets me wear his hat!

1700- Now I'm at Lowe's, playing with tape measures and buying electrical stuff! Woo! PJ & Daughter Electric here we come!

1900- Have you ever seen alligator wrestling? This is what bath time at our house is like. And once Mom gets me out of the tub I run straight to her room and...PEE ON THE FLOOR! How awesome is that. I find it especially amusing if I laugh while I'm going and then wipe myself on Mommy's bed. Mommy is so cute when she starts pulling on her own hair.

1915- Uh oh. Now I've done it. I'm wrapped in a phone book sized diaper and some feety pjs.

1930- Sigh...I'm out. It's been a long day. Tomorrow sounds like an awesome day to slap Mom in the face in public and then crap my pants!

Playas stay up!