Haley is getting older now. She usually speaks in sentences (sometimes hard to understand, but sentences nonetheless), and she is very opinionated. Generally, when we're out we have a good time. But sometimes, it's a struggle from start to finish. Today was one of those days.
Lately, Haley does not want to sit in the upper part of the carriage. I can usually bribe her with a box of raisins, but today it just wasn't happening. She refused to get into the top of the cart. You're probably saying, "Well, you're the parent, you need to force her." Yeah, try to force a toddler who is over three feet tall, weighs a third of what you do, and is hopped up on popsicles into anything. It just isn't happening. So, I pop her into the large part and start wondering where I'm going to put two cases of bottled water, a case of paper towels, and a giant box of diapers (she refuses to use the potty too...).
She's busy leaning against her diapers and the case of paper towels and I throw in a pack of uh, "lady supplies", which you can see pictured above(it's the purple package next to her). She does not want them invading her space. She keeps taking them, standing up in the cart, and placing them on top of the diapers while exclaiming, "TA DA!" Now I'm starting to lose my patience. I have to stop the cart every time she stands, because she's so tall, the movements could cause her to lose her balance and fall over the edge. Finally I say, "Haley, sit down. You chose to sit in the big part and you have to deal with the boxes." Then I threw the pads at her. Gently of course, and the package is all nice and soft, so don't go calling child services just yet. Of course this young and childless couple sees me and starts laughing. Haley's laughing too, and thinks it's a new game. We head to the next aisle to grab the water and she launches the package at me. I throw it back at her and tell her to sit down. A new mom gingerly pushing her newborn in a Snap 'n Go while her dutiful husband pushes the cart gives me the death stare. I stare right back at her. I'm tempted to ask when the next one is due, as she's still got the stomach thing going on, but someone did that to me and it was horrifying. I take comfort in knowing that someday her crotchling will also be mobile and her husband will take up golf for 10 months a year and she'll do whatever she can to get things done. I smile sweetly and fuming, make my way towards the register. Then I see it. Christmas trees. Christmas candy. AUGH! I hate Christmas. It's also too damn early for that. I imagine ripping down the display and then bombarding employees with diapers and pads while they try to stop me.
Check out is uneventful. Well uneventful as you can get while heaving water onto the self checkout belt while trying to restrain a jumbo sized toddler who is now dancing and JUMPING up and down in the cart. On our way out, I decide to take advantage of the BJs gas pumps and fill up the Canyonero. I'm standing outside pumping while someone pulls up behind me. I give them the staredown. Really? You saw me just start pumping the gas, I'm driving what equates to a small bus, maybe you should go pull behind the Prius over there. About 20 minutes into my pumping, Haley is shouting at me from inside the car. She's watching her DVD and I don't see a fire, so I can't imagine what she wants, but now she's screaming. I stop pumping, jump rope over the hose and open the back door. "What's going on?" I ask. "Hi Mommy!" She replies sweetly. Ugh. So cute. But really, did you have to scream like a 13 year old at a Justin Bieber concert? I finish up the gas and think about our next move.
We're supposed to get groceries, and we've headed north intending to hit Market Basket. The thought of trying to wrangle Haley in the carriage while navigating that free for all has me wanting to ride a Segway off a cliff. So, we head back home to the pricier Stop n' Shop that only has one advantage over Market Basket. The car cart. You know, the impossible to manuever cart with a plastic car stuck to the front? As soon as we pull in, Haley starts shouting, "I want a CAHHHHHH! I want a CAHHHHH!" Gotta love a toddler with the Boston accent. We run in and Haley jumps into the first available CAH CAHT (Car Cart for all you non locals). "Buckle my seatbelt!" She commands. We take off. We're having a good time. We're singing 'Twinkle Twinkle' and I don't care who stares at us because she's restrained and I'm happy. Easy Mac is on sale. 10 for $10. For those of you who don't know, it takes all the original disgustingness of boxed mac & cheese and combines it with laziness and carcinogens in a single serving microwaveable container. Perfect. I gleefully throw them into my cart. I lock eyes with another mom in the aisle. I'm prepared for judgment. Then I look at her cart. It's also filled with Easy Mac. We give each other a knowing nod and then I continue on my way.
I may not give a shit about the environment, I may have thrown a box of pads at my misbehaving kid, and we may both die from ingestion of microwaved plastic and cheese powder, but we made it through another day of adventure and that is what counts.
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